you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
