she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
