Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize