I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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