I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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