Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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