I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
