I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
