sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
