the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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