i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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