I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
