Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
