I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
