It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
