what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
