It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
