New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk is not a location!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
