We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
