i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
