I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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