very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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