God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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