I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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