There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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