My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
