And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
