mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
