I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone came in the potted fern
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
