This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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