I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
