I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
