can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
