I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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