Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
