Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
