OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
