after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
