great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
