hell yes lets make some ravioli
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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