Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
