if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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