she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
