you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
