my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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