had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
