So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
