apparently the secret to your success is patron
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
