Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
