Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
