we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
