My underwear smells like fireworks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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