Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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