I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
