ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
