Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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