Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
