Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I skipped work to stalk him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
