you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
