just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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