i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
