dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
