I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
