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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
