the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
