garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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