1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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