Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
