I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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