I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
