dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
