he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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