i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
