tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
