You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also, beer. Big fan.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
