OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
