yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
