strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
